Smokes Be Gone.

No more cigars for me.

I'm done : )

Love still believe when you don't.

Her eyes have lost their luster. The innocence of love has been stripped and reality has drawn the curtain call on her visage.

Watched Twilight tonight, and I really enjoyed it. It was romantic, and passionate, and exciting, and most of the cinematography was pretty legit and not too tacky [for a vampire movie]. I never thought I’d enjoy it, but I guess you just have to give things a shot sometimes. And I think it helps that I never watched any trailers or anything before hand, so it was all fresh to me. But I liked the meaning behind the film, and the insinuation of love that it showed. It was really cute. And Kristen Stewart’s acting of course, is like a train wreck you can’t turn away from, so that also drew me in to the film in a weird sort of way…haha

I loooove this song right now: Love Never Fails – Brandon Heath

I’m babysitting tonight, and I love this family and house…and I just met them! They have a pretty small house, but it’s so plain and simple and stripped of everything unnecessary that it’s quaint! All the floors are wooden, so it makes the areas seem spacious. Their decor looks like a modern cottage with a craftsy feel. The wife was telling her husband about the best part of her day today, and it was watching the three kids (all under seven) play with a new radio and find different stations together. That’s love! Oh, it was so sweet, and made me smile. Their lives are centered around their children and their childrens joy, and around each other, and it’s so sweet. I tell you…everytime I babysit, I see something new, and learn something new about families and myself. I love it.

A part of me feels absent. But God is there to fill me up again whenever I feel down. So much can be raining down on me right now, like it is, but God is here to encourage me to say, “let it come, and just let it pour!” I’m ready for it…so bring it on.

The greatest thing is just to love, and be loved, in return

mmmmdelicious

SO...

Yesterday consisted of AMAZING.

1. Had a decent day at work.

2. Spent over 2.5 hours with God, a lot of which was outside at Maymont! Learned and saw a lot of things that I really needed and wanted to see:)

3. Annemarie came over and made delicious sweet potatoe gnochi!

4. Played with the bunnies all night.

5. Cleaned out their pin, bought them new toys and new bedding!

6. Had a great devotional with Lauren that night.

7. Got a great nights sleep!

I love nights like these...days like these! Where you just can't seem to wipe a smile off of your face. It's an amazing feeling, and should be treasured! It was such a simple day - but there is happiness, and there is joy in simplicity. I love it :)

Thanks for the awesome gnochi Annemarie! You are an awesome cook:) Even with all the random blobs ; )

Men need to mature up and realize they need to come to this realization now instead waiting till their 25 and it's too late. They should know it's coming, so why not just speed up the process??...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT62Gwv70kM

vacancy

V a c a n c y . . .

The state of my heart…

Why has life become confusing?

Why has love been lost?

I’m wondering if it’s true when people say fairy tales, and true love don’t really exist….

I would hate to believe it’s true.

I refuse.

I won’t believe it’s true.

People can find happiness, and they can find it together.

God, Support, Tolerance, Accepting, Joy, Patience, Kindness, and LOVE make it true.

Missing those sunny days.

Those breezy, warm days.

Bike rides together…wind on our cheeks.

Smiles and laughter and talking with old men.

This was love. This was real.

I was upset, but the love was real.

It always was.

God holds my heart, he holds the key.

The only way to my heart is with the key…

One has to find the key in order to unlock it.

It’s broken pieces lay shattered…

But it’s not too late. It’s never too late.

God is healing, God is loving.

But human compassion is part of his love. Part of his plan.

Vacancy is not what he has planned.

So I know it won’t last long.

The joy of the Lord…

The state of my heart.

wordpresssssssssssss

Got a wordpress :)

Hopefully I'll get used to it soon. Then it will be sweet.

adorable moment #5

Okay, so this moment was actually done by me... but it made the girl smile, which made me smile! But the warm and fuzzy, "you can feel your heart smiling" kind of smile.

Last night I got a one and a half hour "nap" before waking up for my class. I got there kinda early so I went to get some breakfast to go from shafers. I was gathering my food, when I noticed a girl grumbling about leaving her student ID (the thing you buy food with) back at the dorm, as she put away all the food she got. I was SO out of it, and so tired, so my mind went on auto pilot and I just did whatever came to my mind. I stopped her, and was like, "Hey, go grab those things, I'll get it for you.", "Really??" "Yeah, no problem! Get whatever you want." She was so happy. Which made me smile. I was so tired that I was just kinda doing whatever my mind led me to do, and I'm really glad it led me to do that instead of zone out. The girl was really appreciative, and I'm sure it was a good start to her day. I just thought that was exciting : ) Made me smile, haha even though I was the one doing it!

Gosh, I feel so happy today... I don't know if it's because you guys are praying for me or not, but I feel so happy. All day at work, I was in the most cheerful mood. I helped a wife unstrap her husbands wheel chair, and get him in to the building when she needed help. I didn't snap at anyone at work. I was nice to our billing department (one of them is a b*tch). And it was just a good day. I just felt really happy and at peace inside. Randomly I would feel a little sting, and start to shake a little, starting in my heart, and then my knees...but I get used to it. I always wonder if that's a way that my heart tells me something is going on with the situation. Yet, I never know if it's good or bad. But I don't like the stinging.... it's pretty much a real physical sensation (unlike the shaking...which is legit). I don't know... I physically feel a lot of my emotions. Which is why it can be hard to hide them sometimes.

So, I earned enough money to pay off the prom building today! Now I just am looking forward to everyone else signing up last minute ; ) Everything is coming along. I knew I didn't have to worry or stress about it, because God is in control :D

Gotta love God!...Love this THIS means more.

When I'm Alone

You've breathed something into life... you were there since the beginning, putting all of your hopes and dreams and best wishes into it. Was that ever a bad thing? Is it bad to show so much love, even if it's not reciprocated? Is it a bad thing to truly believe in something and love it, care for it, and be there for it as much as you can? When do you know when you have put too much into something?

I think it's never a bad thing to love. I think loving is the best gift that our father can give us. It enables us to show affection, show our appreciation for a person, and it allows us to connect with someone on a deeper level. Love is an amazing thing - never to be taken for granted.

We're starting a book series in church called, "Rich Towards God". It's about being giving, and honestly loving that... and being rich towards God. NOT storing up your treasures on earth - but in heaven. I have learned over time, that I love to give.... I enjoy it so much. Even more so most of the times than receiving something myself. I love to put work and thought into the things I make, or do. I love to give to people - I don't like to hold back because of "money". If I had money to give to those hungry, or in need, and give someone a job who needed a job - I would be the first one to do it! I can't wait to get into that stable financial point in my life where I can do that, and become the giver I know I was meant to be. ...But anyway, but to topic. So far, I've read the first chapter, and I really like it. I'm going into business, so I'm thinking that reading a book like this will be good to keep me grounded as I will be dealing a lot with money, especially from the view point of a liberal school. But I like the book a lot so far, and am excited to finish reading it.

I'm loving my Lord right now. The birds are already singing and the sun hasn't even risen yet. The ground is wet by the fresh rain; the sky was grey against the vibrant bright trees yesterday afternoon which I always love; My hyacinths are fully bloomed in the back and making my yard smell so fragrant; I have a black bean burger awaiting me in the fridge for tomorrow; Everything is going somewhat smoothly for prom so far; and GOD is in control. I am loving life right now, and just feeling like a "feather"...waiting for God to blow me to my next destination (Lauren).

When I'm working...it's hard.

When it's night time...It's harder.

When I'm alone...It's the hardest.

And the worst part is knowing that this family wasn't/isn't wanted.

He's Just Not That Into You

Yeah... I should watch that movie. Since now it actually applies to my life.

adorable moment #3

I was walking out of my french class building and into my next building for arab, and I saw this couple walking together in the middle of "the compass". They got to a certain point, then stopped to say good byes as they went to separate classes. The boyfriend put his hands on the sides of her cheeks, and pulled her in for a kiss. It was so cute. : / You could tell he was infatuated with her. Love like that means more.

adorable moment #2

I saw a dad and daughter today in the row in front of me at Church. It was so cute the way he loved her. She got up to go the bathroom (after asking her mom), and was trying to squeeze past her dad out of the pew... He asked her where she was going, and she told him. Then he gave her a huge hug, and let her pass. Later on, after she had gotten back, she was sitting on his lap, and they were nudging noses, and smiling, and silently laughing together. It was the sweetest thing. Love like that means more.

Love Like This Means More

So I ran the Monument 10k today!...well, actually, I just walked it, but HEY! It was a lot of fun! And I plan on jogging next year's : ) But I have the mud run coming up in June, and the breast cancer one in May... both of which are 5k's, meaning I can actually jog or run it! It was a lot of fun, I really like it, and needless to say, 2 hours of walking does wonders on your body! Haha, I'm gonna be a little vain right now, and say I look grrrrreat! Haha....but annnyyyway...

While Rachel and I spent thirty mins trying to find a parking spot, we saw this older couple wearing matching shirts holding hands (walking to the start of the 10k). Randomly throughout the day, I would see them....always holding hands. We ended up walking behind them for most of the race, including the end of it. They held hands the WHOLE time... that's love. From parking, and walking to the start, and actually walking the race, this couple held hands... that's like three hours of hand holding! It was so cute, and made me smile.

I miss him.

I've Lost the Only Love Worth Fighting For

It's hard when you have loved someone so long, that they become a part of you. And the greater your relationship grows, a greater piece of you they take with them. It's sad when a love like that, a love that seems so real, can be broken by something so worldly...something that I know the devil is behind. It's sad to come to the realization that the person you love has no hope to feel that love again. I can't describe that sadness in knowing. It's a beautiful thing to love, and to be loved. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return". Kind of spawning off that, and from what I feel God is leading me to do, is to start this daily project. Every day, I read to myself 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. It talks about love. Until myself and the person I date or plan to marry can completely embrace and love the way that that verse says, then I am not ready to be in a relationship with them.

I was wondering though... Is this verse what we should strive to love like? Or is this a constant and finite thing, that if we found a love like this, then it's true? I am so curious to know the answer to this question! Is God using this to be a guide for us, or is he telling us, that when we find true love, it will be like this?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (New International Version)

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

<3

God is amazing. I see it more and more everyday and it never gets old. He is so romantic, and I love it. No man could ever compare to what God does for me. God gives me flowers, any day I want them. He showers me with good thoughts, good experiences, and time. He gives me every new day. He gives me the sun, and the warmth of that to hug me when I need one. He is so incredible. He loves me, and I am in love with him. No one can ever measure up to my God. I want to love like Corinthians; and I want to do it for him - the one who loves me.

libere!

the three frees!

Somewhere over the Rainbow

This song is taking over my thoughts right now. I kind of like that.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high,

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far

Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow.

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?

What is Going On?

Why do I feel like I can't think anymore? Why has everything gotten way more complicated than it needs to be? Why can't things just go back to normal? Why can't happiness be something tangible and something we experience at the same time?...Nevertheless, TOGETHER? My mind right now feels like one of those trash compressor things smashing all of my thoughts together to where I can't even discern what's actual trash and what's something I wish didn't get in the dust pan. My heart feels like a pin cushion that is stuffed with so many pins, that there's no more room to really feel any new pin that comes in.

How is somebody supposed to know when to fight for something, or just let it go? How are we supposed to know when it's just not worth the chase anymore? How are we supposed to know if this is just a phase?

.Someone shed some insight please.

mean - p!nk

You used to hold the door for me, now you can't wait to leave
You used to send flowers if you fucked up in my dreams
I used to make you laugh with all the silly shit I did
But now you roll your eyes and walk away and shake your head

When the spark has gone, and the candles are out
When the song is done and there's no more sound
Whispers turn to yellin and I'm thinkin

How did we get so mean?
How do we just move on?
How do you feel in the morning when it comes and everything's undone?
Is it cause we wanna be free? Well that's not me
Normally I'm so strong
I just can't wake up on the floor like a thousand times before
Knowing that forever won't be
Always sentimental when I think of how it was
When love was sweet and new and we just couldn't get enough
The shower, it reminds me you'd undress me with your eyes
And now you never touch me and you tell me that you're tired

You know, I get so sad when it all goes bad
And all you think about is all the fun you had
And all those sorries ain't never gonna mean a thing, oh

How did we get so mean?
How do we just move on?
How do you feel in the morning when it comes and everything's undone?
Is it cause we wanna be free? Well that's not me
Normally I'm so strong
I just can't wake up on the floor like a thousand times before
Knowing that forever won't be

Oh, we said some things that we can never take back
It's like a train wreck tryna hit the right track
We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe,
But we shoulda drank it down while it was still sweet
It all goes bad eventually

Now do we stay together cause we're scared to be alone?
We got so used to this abuse, it kind of feels like home
But, my baby, I just really wanna know, oh,

P.S.

Prom money needs to be in ASAP. I have to pay the building on the 30th of March... so I have less than one week to collect all the money. Needless to say... this is EXTREMELY stressful right now. Pray it all goes down well.

Rainy Mornings

Gooooood Morning!
Stayed up till 5am this morning...tehe. Took an hour long 'power nap', woke up at 6, showered, ate a delicioussss breakfast, drove Lauren to Jsarg, and am now passing the time until my french class, here at the library.

Life is beautiful. Nature is beautiful. God is beautiful - and you can see him everywhere. Even in this dull and rainy morning, he is here, and that is amazing. And I love this. This weather is perfect. There has been a fresh mist that covered the ground, the dogwoods and cherry blossoms are blooming (as well as the hyacinths in our back yard garden!), and everything is looking alive and well. I love it! I can't wait until everything blossoms and all the colors will be out with the sun.

Knowing Christ
The sermon this Sunday was really good. I liked it a lot. It was on Philippians 3:4-14 - knowing Christ. It's something we always need to remember and dwell on. We need to remember his sufferings that he went through for us, and his strengths that he possesses.
"Dear Friends, now we are children of God and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him AS HE IS."
I believe as I have mentioned before in an earlier post, that we need to learn how to die to ourselves in order to live. In the same way, our past needs to be forgotten, in the sense that we can't dwell on our short comings and let that be a hindrance from our future relationship with God, as well as other people. We must recognize our past, as an evil way of living (if that be the case), and accept it, but not be debilitated by it. We can't obsess or nurture our faults, but instead we need to replace it - and place it on the cross. Give it to God, because he is all powerful and he will take our sins and cleanse them.
We don't have to live like we're in a box... we're FREE in Christ, we have freedom in HIM. We are forgiven because of our faith and God's love for us. His never ending love.

Philippians 3:9-12 - - -> righteousness/resurrection/perfection of Christ, is ours.
Philippians 3:10 - - -> Life in Christ means we FOLLOW him. Live by the power of faith!


...just thought I'd share

Happy St. Patty's Day!

3/17/2010

*Siiigh* Had an awesome St. Patty's day... Had lunch at galaxy, went to my favorite spot at Maymont with Jake, went on a bike along side of Jake running, talked with a random Christian old man, went to the gym, then came home and made somedelicious Irish food complete with "bourbon" apple glazed chops, steamed carrots, Brussels sprouts and cooked slaw, scalloped potatoes, and SODA BREAD!

Ben came down from Boston, so it was good to see him the day before he left!...quite literally.. He left close to midnight, and was leaving at 3-4am. Crazy kid.

3/18/2010

Took a nice day to myself today. Woke up kinda early, drove all the way to freaking chesterfield and finally got the speeding ticket paid for and settled, went to the post office and sent some mail, went to the bank to deposit the first prom payment of this year (you guys have less than 2 weeks to pay!!!), went for a forty five min walk/jog around Maymont, and now plan on biking to ukrops to get some buds for my garden, then coaching the synchro team tonight.... good times : )

Reeeeeeeeeally wanting to go to the beach this break. Hoping it happens over the weekend. The weather is TOO nice.

Pregger Ennvvyyy

Aaaaaand this is what I want to look like pregnant....and have pregger pictures taken like this.


yeah..

Les Fleurs... Je l'adore!

MMmmMmm les fleurs

I . l o o o o v e . f l o w e r s !

I don't think God could have created a more beautiful thing. Flowers are so colorful, vibrant, delicate, detailed, and all over amazing, and i love them! I can't wait to start my garden!...Need a big pay check.

There's is nothing more exciting then receiving flowers from someone or making your own bouquet (kinda fell in love with Vouge flowers on Boulevard and how you can do that).

Don't know why - but I've been thinking a lot about flowers lately. Probably cause it's spring, and you can smell and see them everywhere.

Gotta love em'.

frappé

Je veux que mon homme être frappé par mon amour. Je veux affaiblir ses genoux. Suis-je cette fille ? Peux-je faire un homme fondre ? Je veux l'homme qui épouse me trembler quand il me demande. Je le veux qu'être si excité. Ai-je ce efffect sur quelqu'un?

...Je me demande...